You Speak Your Language, I Will Speak Mine - But We Shall Still Communicate!

Let me start with a negative note:
I am fed up of language barrier in India particularly, and in general globally. We humans have divided ourselves into very narrow pockets with linguistic identity. Mother tongue (matru bhasha), National language (rashtra bhasha), state languages (rajya bhasha), official languages (raj bhasha), classical languages (shastriya bhasha), link language, entertainment language, second language, third language, foreign language, invader language, heritage language... etc etc.

Here a chart that I had prepared the last time I got frustrated with language debate. Since then, 2 more classical languages may be coming up - Odia and Malayalam.

What I have learned after decades of seeing language debates and politics... Languages unite in some cases. But in more cases, languages divide us more than they unite. I don't have to give details of how languages have divided millions of Indians today.. how they have made 100s of millions of Indians see other 100s of millions of Indians as "un-Indian". The anger, the snubs, the protests, the beating, the reservations, the school politics, the ganging up, the insults.. it's just ugly in so many cases. In the height of "my language versus your language", many have stopped seeing others as a Bharatiya... or even a human deserving dignity.

The key problem is the unnecessary pride and chest beating.. If you don't learn "my language", you are not equal.. And the natural reaction is that if I abandon "my language" in government and business, it will be lost! And practically it is not possible for a regular person to learn more than 3 languages well - I mean read, write, speak and understand at high school level. With nearly 2 dozen really big languages being spoken by millions of people in each case, India is the land of language conflicts.

Frankly, I am not pro any language strongly.. I am not anti any language strongly. My take is that a language serves a purpose of communicating. Language(s) will help you get diverse information. Each have their own style and strength. They also have weaknesses. I am very proud of mine and you be proud of yours. Personally, I am all for more the merry policy! And that's pretty much it. If you start giving it too much importance and create your whole identity around a language (or opposing some other), it is not the best usage of your time. Languages evolve, borrow words, grow in vocabulary, shrink and die. It's a natural cycle. Some just undergo metamorphosis into one or more daughter languages in the course of time.

But nothing is constant. Kalaya tasmai namah. Everything that's born will die one day.
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And now the positive note:
What if.. we had a system in this 21st century, wherein  
You Speak Your Language, I Will Speak Mine - But We Shall Still Communicate!

Sounds crazy? Sounds impractical? It's not. Let me put in my vision and you tell me if this is possible. If possible, you are by all means free to use this idea and make money in the long  run :)

But I have some ideas.. I am sure you will have lot more. And none of these are not any genius stuff as many would already be in place in advanced pockets of our globe.

1) Let's start with a visit to a tax office, a bank or an insurance office. Take the tax office. You have to deal with a tax form as shown here. You are the "kardaata" or "tax payer" in Guwahati. What if you can't read either of the languages the form is printed in? There are 100s of millions of such Indians who can read and write, but not these two languages at an expertise level to fill in a critical piece of tax information.

No problem..
You take your mobile phone that has a handy scan app built into it, and just scan over that tax form. Or you can use a more elaborate professional handy scan machine.

Voila.. the form is fully scanned and you will see on your device an Asomiya translated version. Better, you will have the ability to key in the Cheque number, type of payment etc. right into the phone. When done, simply press a button to e-print the filled form right there. The office will have it right a the desk.
For those who can afford, it can be in their car. Almost all traffic inspectors in Bengaluru today print their traffic violation payment receipt right on the street using a blackberry phone which can print. 

The job is done. Those printing the challans have no language problem. They can print in one or two languages of their government or institution's interest. Those taking the service don't have to worry about learning the languages. They can fill in any language that they are familiar with. The important thing is for the job to get done well, easily and in an affordable manner.

2) Next - emergency instructions.

You are traveling from Guntur in AP to Mysuru in Karnataka. Almost all literate passengers in this inter state train would know Telugu or Kannada or both. But the night train has emergency instructions only in Hindi and English. Lakhs of people who travel interstate between these destinations would have difficulty reading and comprehending the vital emergency instructions.

Again.. use your phone, even the basic smart phone variety. Click the picture of the instructions. The app will then recognize the language(s) and give you an instant translation in Telugu or Kannada. Problem solved!

Some might say.. what's the big deal in reading these 3 lines? Trust me.. 100s of people died in train emergencies in India each year and even if 2 extra lives are saved crossing the language barrier, that's worth it.

It's not just train. It's for all emergency instructions. Plane, Volvo bus, LPG cylinder, inflammable fluid carriers, hazardous material handling factories, school premise, movie theater.. etc. etc.
When life saving instructions are not in the language you can read, they are NOT life saving! If we can make it truly language independent using sign languages, that's different. But at least here is some way to use the existing system, instead of changing it fully.

3) Moving on - Meeting a stranger for asking directions.

It has happened to almost all of us a few times in life. We ask for directions in a city or village that we are visiting, and invariably the language barrier comes in. In most cases, there's a genuine difficulty. But in some cases involving linguistic animosity, people are rude and won't help you. All of us will know at least 2 incidents in life, where we were shunted out just because we could not speak "their" language. In my view, it's risky to be language illiterate in India, particularly for women.

So here's a simple way out. You meet someone. Put a headphone bud into one ear.

Select the on source and destination language buttons on your phone. Boom... you can have a conversation. Your phone is acting as a real time translator. The other person also does the same. Even if the other person is not equipped with this app, your device will tell you what to tell after translation. Everything happens in real time! No interpreter needed. And adding a couple of simple Namaste, Thanks, Shukriya, Vanakkam will make the other person feel happy and your job will be done really well.

If you take the technology further and use Google Glass, you can do wonderful things without needing much human help. But Indian streets, particularly the non metro downtown areas, are a long way from actually using self-help Google glasses. So you need technology that can be simply used with existing human support that's available.

4) Then - Your PM speaks in Hindi.

Now this is a big issue in some pockets of south India and east India. PM Modi speaks in only in Hindi. Language pride and language hate politics kick in. Learn Hindi...  Don't impose Hindi groups start quarrel. If the PM were to speak in English too, the same things would kick in, but from some pockets in the North or West or center. The point is not language. It's the proficiency we have with it, and the like we have for it. Why not use mine is always the problem!

I can't solve the language problems when we have nearly 24 languages, each spoken by at least a few million people in India. It's next to impossible. For 60+ years people have tried. So what I would try is to let you keep your language and let me keep mine.

With just 20 seconds delay, all websites and TV or radio channels that broadcast PM's speech, can do a voice change-over into destination languages. The technology exists already in Europe which is yet another highly diverse India-like continent.

Europe and UN, with dozens and sometimes 100s of languages are involved, conduct business already without any barrier. We in India are still ages behind quibbling over mundane "you speak in my language" nonsense. In Indian parliament, if you have to ask a question in the 2000 year old INDIAN language Kannada, you will have to take prior permission. Unless you have prior permission, you have no choice but to switch to one of the 2 official languages, which at least 200 MPs from non Hindi regions of India are not proficient in! And they keep quiet and their constituencies suffer because of this language barrier. It's really silly and so non-federal in nature. And the same problem across all legislative assemblies where most Indian languages are shunted out even if there are people in the state speaking those languages.

So what can be done? Let the parliamentarians find their solution. We can focus on the general public watching TV. There are a variety of instant translation mechanism available with human help. All it takes is one person per TV station or one person per group of language channels/sites. Problem solved! No more subtitles issue. No more linguistic protests. It can even be two way in any TV debate. You ask in your language and an instant translation software or human intervention can take the debate to the destination language. You can literally participate in a Bangla debate at 5 PM, a Kannada debate at 7 PM and a  Hindi debate at 9 PM, if you are a channel hopping celebrity.. just kidding :)

If you want the original speaker's language, just select original voice through a remote button. In many cases, the emotion and dialogue delivery in the original language has no substitute in the translation. Additionally, another feature of play original and play translation for each sentence, where needed. This way you will learn some basics of the leader's language too. All these are possible with DVR technology and voice translation technology already. We just need to expand and make them affordable. 

5) Lastly.. you are on the road.

You are vacationing in Pune from Coimbatore but can't understand Marathi..
You are visiting Lucknow from Guwahati, but not proficient in Hindi subtitles.
You are touring Tirupati from Vadodara, and can't read temple displays in Telugu.

You can't read the local news papers.. nor can read street sign boards.. nor can make out the TV scroll. It is practically impossible in India to help all languages at all places.

So..  just point your mobile towards it.

App will get the info, understand the source language, translate it and show you the translation without changing the non-text part. Instantly!

You can use this in movies.. plays.. games.. street.. and even schools and colleges.
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In summary:

1. No more English panditya needed. Time to take the "elite" advantage away from those who have proficiency in English. They have a distinct advantage in Indian businesses today.
2. No more fights on Hindi or no Hindi.. Time to take away the "elite" advantage central governments have created for those who speak Hindi, so that they alone can transact in government offices everywhere across India.
3. No more Tamil pride, Marathi pride etc.. politics. Time to take away regional linguistic chauvinism (sometimes justified, sometimes not) where the anger is against one or two focused linguistic groups.
4. No more hidden messages in one's language insulting the others. I am sure you all have seen in elevators, taxis, buses, trains, street corners..
5. No more wasting or ink, paint and time in printing/announcing the same info multiple times. Isn't it irritating to hear the same announcements in 3 or 4 languages at some stations?

Make the world an equal opportunity place for all languages. I have only talked of some basic applications here. There are many advanced ways these can be taken to our education, industry, government, hospitals, temples and beyond. Imagine visiting Gaya and understanding instantly the meaning of those shraddha Sanskrit mantras when attending to the last rites of a dear one? The amount of usage is practically limitless.. all we need is proficiency in ONE Bharatiya language to live happily ever after (I consider English also as a Bharatiya language now).

The best part is that no major investment is needed. With smart phones already with more than 15% of Indians now, it is just a matter of time before 75% will have smart phones. I mean it's possible even before 2020 at the current rate!

So what are you waiting for? Go start a business or create apps to work on these ideas. Be a good Engineer. After all Engineers rule the world :) Be a good linguist to help the engineers. Be a great salesman and use the best finances to get it to all corners of India. Use the technology!

Everyone can understand, read, write and speak all languages. Wah.. now pinch me!!

Pictures used from: Wiki, bemoneyaware, blog.wisefaq, brighthub, pnrstatus.co.in, dailymail.co.uk, marketingmag.com.au, hearbudz, telecomcircle and techmaza.org. All credit to the original rights holders.

A Stand up Comedian called Rahul Gandhi

How do you describe Rahul Gandhi?

Beyond his fan club, this is how Rahul is described by Indians today.

1. Social Media calls him a Pappu – and it is not for no reason. You will know why after reading this writeup fully.
2. R Jethmalani frowned at him as a Disaster – This one speech will prove Ram J 100% right.
3. Youtube comments term him as a retard – And that is not longer an insult. You can see it for yourself why.
4. S Swamy “praises” him as a Buddhu – He has proved he's way beyond a Buddhu, in this speech.
5. VS Achuthanandnan laughed at him as an Amul Baby – This speech's logic will even make kids chuckle.

For now, let's politely call him a stand up comedian.. an unintended one, but that's OK :)

There are three parts to this writeup. The Video, Serious questions and Humorous comments. Ideally go in that order, but if you are pressed for time, skip the first or even the second section to run to the third section. 

Section 1:

Firstly, Watch this video of Rahul Gandhi's speech at the CII with hilarious scrolling texts, and you will know why we want to call him a stand up comedian. He turns into a joke by himself, makes no sense, has no oratory skills and makes a mockery of himself by going all around with zero meaningful message delivery.

Rahul Gandhi Epic Fails Marathon at CII (Chamber of Indian Commerce) 

Section 2:

After I made the mistake of listening to the entire video, a hilarious mistake though, let me ask Rahul Gandhi some serious questions. I swear to God, I could not make head or tail of what he was saying, so these are honest questions of a confused listener. If you have a chance to meet Rahul ever, as he has no presence in the social media directly, please pass on these questions to him and educate us about his answers.

1) Dear Rahul Gandhi, What is India?

Rahul: “There is a tendency to look at India as a country. In our everyday life we see India as a national structure. But if you go back slightly more than that, go back a hundred, two hundred years, you would find that India is energy, it is a force. If you go back a thousand years, two thousand years, you would find that force came from our rivers, Ganga, Yamuna, Saraswati. We worshiped these rivers and the reason we worshiped these rivers was because that is where our energy came from, and everything we had was built on these rivers. Now we have gone way beyond that. We have built structures that are allowing this energy to rise, to explode. And it’s an honour for me to be here because as this energy moves from India and goes abroad, you are the cutting edge. You are the people on the first line. You are the people who are our ambassadors. You are the people who tell the world what this energy is about“

Confusion: Dear Rahul, if India is not a country, but a national structure, which was energy 200 years back, also a force 200 years back, was the energy of rivers we worshiped 2000 years back, and now this energy is about to explode, and it will move abroad via the cutting edge first line of business people (the audience), who are also the ambassadors, what should they tell the world India is?? Can you come again?

2) Did anyone in the world think of India in 1991?

Rahul: “Over the last couple of years, you have done a tremendous job. The image of India
has changed. I went to University in 1991, and I remember, nobody thought of India.”

Clarification: Rahul, I don't know if you recall properly while getting into that 'unnamed' university in 1991, but I was old enough in 1991 to absorb the world views clearly. The world was laughing at India that went bankrupt by 1990. Yes, the image was not positive, but the world thought of India daily. It as even projected as a country just about to implode into a balkanized Asian region. Between 1990 and 1992, India was forced by all the major powers of the world, through World Bank and IMF, to get rid of the socialistic hurdles setup by your grand mother and great grand father. We call that now as an economic reform, but it took India a global shame of pawning its gold in London, to make balance of payments during that period. So dear, the world very much thought of India, but with lots of pity, thanks to how your family ruined India's economy by then. And the next phase is happening now with falling Rupee under your mom's government.

3) Rahul, how do you describe nights in India?

Rahul: “It was a dark night some years ago when my team and I got on the Gorakhpur”

Clarification: Dear Rahul, nights are dark everywhere in the word, keeping aside the artificial light or moon light :)

4) Rahul, how long does it take to travel to Mumbai from eastern UP?

Rahul: “from the dust of Gorakhpur to the glitter of Mumbai. Took us Thirty Six hours. It is called an Express!”

Question: Rahul, even in 2012-13 if it takes 36 hours to travel 1650 KM, and you sarcastically call that an “express”, shouldn't the blame go to your family that has ruled India for most part of these years without any significant improvement in the train speed?

5) What is Rahul's idea of the “spirit” of India?

Rahul: “I spoke to a young Muslim boy setting out to start his life. He had no idea what work he was going to do. I asked him, “Boss what happens if you reach Mumbai and there is nothing for you to do?”
(He said): “If I reach Mumbai and there is nothing for me to do, I'll get on a train, I’ll go to
Bangalore.” That is the spirit of this country. Forward moving; brave. ”

Explanation: Dear Rahul Gandhi, that is not called spirit of India. First of all a young man leaving home with no destination in mind, is a shameful state of poverty in Uttar Pradesh from where you and your mother are MPs. Secondly, what you are describing as “forward moving and brave” is actually the desperation of the poor to escape poverty in their small towns and villages, due to failed economic policies of successive governments in India, and most of them ruled by your party. Be ashamed!

You would have understood that young man's desperation only if anyone in your family worked for money in a regular job, during the past 4 generations. I am talking about 10 to 20 years of productive employment, instead of living off tax payers money. Sorry for being blunt, but you would have understood his poverty if you worked for even 10 years to earn a living in the fiercely competitive Indian job market.

6) Rahul, how do you describe monsoon early morning in Mumbai?

Rahul: “4’o clock in the morning, we walk off in the galis of Bombay, monsoon season, feet were going into puddles.”

Query: Sir, if there are puddles even in India's financial capital, can you imagine how much “Bharat Nirman” has happened in the smaller towns and cities of India during the past 9 years of your mother's governance?

7) Rahul, can you tell us about the most important infrastructure need of India?

Rahul: “We have to provide the roads on which our dreams are paved. And these roads can’t have potholes. They can’t breakdown in 6 months. They have to be big roads, because they are going to carry strong people, they are going to carry strong forces.”

Comment: Glad that you talked of roads. Do you know that the first job your family did after coming to power in 2004, was to slow down the massive road building project setup by Vajpayee government? Not only that, they even spent crores to remove his pictures from all those highways being built. And now you lecture about building roads? Wah!

8) Please tell us more about your train journey.

Rahul: “people were not the only things moving in that train. Ideas moved with them.”

Clarification: Rahul baba.. I don't know if you ever traveled for 36 hours in a train in your entire life, amidst ordinary people of India. I doubt you did considering the way you are talking about one train journey. Yes, trains carry people and trains carry ideas all the time. Ask any migrant to any big city and they will tell how they came with big ideas and positive spirit. Maybe you should travel in trains more often, particularly in the sleeper and general compartments.

9) What's the biggest problem in India today?

Rahul: “Our problem is not joblessness, it is lack of training and skills”

Shock: Dear baba.. do you even understand why people don't get jobs? Don't tell me you don't know the meaning of the word 'joblessness'!

10) Dear Rahul, describe India's educational system to a chamber full of business people.

Rahul: “Look at our text books, open them out. Most of the stuff is not really relevant to what they are going to do. Who knows what they are going to do. You know what they are going to do. Why? Because you are going to give them the jobs. You are the guys who are going to employ them. Do you have a role in our education curricula? Do they ask you? Do they? Does someone come to you and say, hey listen, what do you think? Does it happen? I am asking. Does it happen systemically? Do you have structures in universities? Not individual relationships. Do you have structures in universities that allow you to impact what the IIT is teaching? Do you? It is a question. You don’t. Those are the type of structures we have to build. Our universities structures are closed. They are silos. I meet these guys, they are brilliant guys, absolutely brilliant, but a university today is a network. It’s no longer a silo; the network has to be
connected to the industry. It has to take input from industry and it is not happening.”

Confusion: Rahul baba.. if India's text books are obsolete, if you are not sure who will give jobs to those studying those text books, if there are no structures in the universities, if the government does not consult business owners frequently, then it is whose fault? Your Congress party which has ruled for nearly all but 10 years since independence, or someone else? And, we are still scratching our head to make sense of what you said above.

11) What's Rahul's advice to a group of top business people of India?

Rahul: “And that is where you guys come in. You are the people who are going to take the lead for the creation of jobs”

Comment: Yes, they will create jobs. But what do you do with lakhs of crores of public money, being doled out through NREGA and other employment schemes? Can you tell the nation how many jobs were created during UPA 2 and contrast with earlier governments? How many jobs did you create as an MP of Amethi in the past 9 years?

12) Baba, what's that Kennedy speech excerpt you mentioned?

Rahul: “President Kennedy famously said that a rising tide raises all boats. I oversee a women’s self help group movement in my constituency and in Uttar Pradesh. Chatting to them once, I told them this and said the President of the United States said a rising tide raises all boats. A rising tide doesn’t raise people who don’t have a boat. We have to help build the boat for them”

Comment: Rahul baba.. even when giving metaphors they must make sense to the audience and also the people you talk about. Amethi is at least 40 KM from a big river and why do they even need a boat? If you talked to someone in Mangaluru, Prayag or Kanyakumari this boat analogy would have made sense to them. Something to think about..

13) Rahul sir, any views on alienation of communities?

Rahul: “When you play the politics of alienating communities you stop the flow of movement
of people and ideas – and when that happens we all suffer.”

Comment: Aha.. Do you remember your party's “Saffron terror” nonsense? When such politically and religiously motivated statements are made, without any supporting facts, will they do anything but alienate communities? Speak to Shinde, Diggy and Chidu once and also read what Wiki leaks wrote about your own views on this topic.

14) And baba, what was that comment about exponential thinking?

Rahul: “As we have moved forward to meet these challenges we must remember that we have
a tendency in India to think about solving all our problems incrementally. This is a
mistake. There are some problems, which require exponential solutions. Whenever
India has done well it has done so not by incremental steps but by radically
transforming its structures. Look at our successes – from the Green Revolution to
the White Revolution to the IT and Telecoms Revolution. All those successes were
the result of exponential thinking.”

Clarification: My head is spinning now. Who taught you about Green revolution, white revolution, IT and Telecom revolution? I am from a generation that lived through IT revolution. I can tell confidently that all the growth happened in steps. India did not jump from land line to smart phone directly. It went through basic phone upgrades. Internet for IT did not reach 20Mbps speed overnight. I used internet 18 years back via a modem when even 56 kbps was a luxury. There was no guarantee that most of the packets won't be lost in transmission. India did not get flashy Windows i7 laptops overnight. It took over 25 years to move from a 32 bit 386 processor to today's i7. India did not jump to cloud computing overnight. It took decades of computing improvements. Get your basics right Rahul baba..

15) Lastly, Rahul sir, what are the basic components of business?

Rahul: “The poor are one component of our country. Business is another component. The middle-class is the third component. We have to work with all these components.”

Comment: Ayyo... have you heard of producer and consumer model at all? Which college did you go to sir?

Did you have enough? I think I had enough of these serious remarks.

Section 3:

So, Let's read some hilarious comments from below the video:

1. “He should be honored with the title of 'Sir' after Ravindra Jadeja.”
2. “The level of radiation of dumbness from this guy is orders of magnitude larger than the radiation of all of the radioactive materials present on this planet”
3. “You forgot to put Rahul baba saying, Rani ki Jhansi!"
4. “The New channel should call him every week and turn this hour into a weekly comedy show. need a headache medicine asap now.”
5. “Share it on your Facebook profile titled as, ""Most inspiring Speech"", I bet you will lose all your friends...”
   
6. “My favorite: Your are empowered but your are dis-empowered.. LOL, River, Waves, Boats.. Beehive”
7. “My girlfriend's cat has a better IQ than this loser.”
8. “Watching this clip was very painful and frustrating! Leave alone his IQ... I think it is criminal even to bear him speak. Now just think if ever he becomes PM? What a terror!”
9. “My kid in the ninth standard would do a better job...what an Idiot”
10. “He is uttering retardedness like a tracer bullet..:P”
11. “My EARS are bleeding... But i still cant stop laughing !!”
12. “Has he ever listened to himself??”
13. And here is the best comment: “CII must have fired the guy who came up with idea of inviting him”

And, this particular comment sums up Rahul's IQ:

02:40 Poor people= Weak people?
04:34 "They are going to carry strong people". So leave the weak (=poor) people behind?
06:36 "let me go back to the women". (Then searches for the "women")
06:50 lost "it" (women??)
07:32 opposite of incremental is exponential?? (nobody taught that math to me)
09:30 5 crores divided among 700 pradhans. So each gets a "couple of crores". I must be a bad engineer to not know the math behind it
12:14 Definitely not if you are that guy on the horse
14:10 Yoga=Dance?

Long live Rahul baba.... and let 100s of such #PappuCII speeches flow into the “land of energy” :)

Text of the speech is used from ABP News source: http://www.newsbullet.in/india/34-more/40940-full-text-of-rahul-gandhis-cii-speech